Is Elf of the Shelf a harmless holiday gimmick packaged as a new “Christmas Tradition” or a creepy Orwellian device that will push your children to the heights of paranoia found in Ken Kesey’s One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest? If you are unaware of this holiday phenomenon, it goes something like this: Parents who want to inspire, trick or terrorize their children into behaving nicely purchase a doll called Elf on the Shelf (whether it is inspiring, tricking or terrorizing completely depends on the parents’ Christmas spirit and twisted desire for seasonal spying and manipulation) For kids to truly be scared into behaving properly, parents are suppose to tell their kids that the Elf watches them all day long and reports directly to Santa. While at the North Pole, he shares the kids' Christmas wish lists but more importantly tattles on them if they are not behaving merrily. Supposedly, the Elf returns to a different location in the house each morning, and the kids are not allowed to touch him. The rituals surrounding Elf on the Shelf exist to promote its mystic and to preserve the Elf’s magical powers. But, when mom forgets to move him from the mantle to the baker’s rack or until the dog chews him just like any other doll, the Elf on the Shelf is just another prop in the ruse called good parenting.
Yes, Elf on the Shelf is all subterfuge and slack-parenting. Whatever happened to “behave or you get your ass smacked and your Christmas presents returned to Kmart.” And when it comes to spying, nothing beats just riffling through your kids’ crap both tangible and electronic.
And, really why spend $29.95 to trick your children when you can just do what I do? You could tell your children that you are calling the number given to all new parents at the hospital, the North Poll’s Emergency 800 Hotline for the Reportage of Juvenile Naughtiness -- all the deception of Elf on the Shelf for a fraction of the cost. It is always better to have paranoid children for free.
