Sunday, December 28, 2008

Cut That Grey Out Of My Hair

The question is always the same: "Do you know who you look like?" Of course my natural response is Beyonce with Angelina Jolie's lips and Adriana Lima's abs, but instead I feign interest and surprise with "Who?" The answer has always been the same since 1987, "Jennifer Grey."

Although I have considered replying "Pre-nose job or post nose-job" or "No, I am much prettier," I normally respond with "Really." The conversation becomes painfully silent and ends abruptly. "Thanks" would be a more polite response, but I just can't bring myself to say thank you because I don't know if I am being complimented, insulted, or simply being told the facts in a nonjudgmental manner. Now if they said I look like Cindy Crawford, Julia Roberts, Bette Milder or Steven Tyler, I would know where I stood. With Jennifer Grey it is not so clear cut. Is she the ugly-pretty that Tyra Banks is always babbling about when she is not talking about herself or trying to cure people of their phobias?

Wonder if it would be rude to ask for clarification, "So, do you think Jennifer Grey is pretty?", or "Do I look Jewish to you?" , how about "Are you saying I need a nose job?", or maybe "Are you telling me I still have an 80s hairstyle?" The interpretations are endless but chances are they are saying I am a Jewish looking woman with bad outdated hair, which is odd because I am half-Italian and very Catholic with hair that suits my face and disposition. I consider my nose as unique and truly mine and sure my hair says: "I love the 80s." But wait a second, Dirty Dancing takes place in the 60s, so do I have a 60s hairstyle? No, she also had that hairstyle in Ferris Bueller, so maybe she refused to change her look for the movie. Probably should have taken that stance before the nose job in 90s. Bad nose plenty of work; good nose no work. (Luckily in my case, you don't have to a good nose or good hair to be a librarian/essayist.)


It's Jennifer Grey's ugly prettiness that help makes Dirty Dancing a campy cult classic; her untraditional looks work to build the tension between the shy good girl baby and handsome bad boy Johnny (played by Patrick Swayze), making it the archetypal tale of an ugly duckling turns into beautiful swan and finds self-worth and love through semi-rebellious not so dirty dancing. Grey emanates her alluring reticence throughout the film from her initial graceless and bashful saunter to the back quarters with Johnny to the dance finale of independence and self-actualization. But it is during the Love is Strange number that Grey exudes awkward sexiness as she lip syncs: "Come 'ere lover boy" and crawls to her Johnny.

I like to think I also give off that same kind of awkward sexiness. So one day, I tried to use my Jennifer Grey look-alike status by reenacting that classic scene during my freshman year of college. I was trying to convince my chemistry partner Mitchell that I should be his girlfriend.
He asked if I was having stomach cramps and offered to drive me to hospital. Later he told me: "You would have better luck with guys if you weren't so desperate."

I retired my Jennifer Grey personae forever. I think I'll get a long platinum blond wig and clean out my refrigerator now.

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