Dear Gwyneth:
How could you do it? Why did you do it? Why did you agree to perform Kiss as a duet with Matthew Morrison on Glee? Are you that desperate for money and popularity among young people? You made a horrendous misstep that I will never be able to forgive. There are just some songs that cannot and should not be covered. And when I say “some songs” I am referring to any song by Prince. There is no one on the planet that can perform a Prince song better or even remotely as good as Prince. He is a musical marvel. To try to imitate his musical genius is simply insulting and in this case merely sounds like really bad karaoke.
Kiss is not only one Prince’s biggest hits of his career. It is one of the biggest of the 1980s and probably one of the biggest hits ever. This song is so fantastic that in the mid-80s when Prince originally wrote the song, he intended it to go to his protégée group, Mazarati. After hearing how the band re-orchestrated it, he said, “This is too good for you guys. I am taking it back as my own.” Thus proving once again that Prince is both a music mogul and a royal prick.
I share this story about this song because there is a lesson to be learned here. If Kiss was too good for Mazarati, it is certainly too good for you, Gwyneth Paltrow. So even though I forgave you in 2003 for simply not having the right look, voice and depth of complexity necessary to portray the tragically brilliant Sylvia Plath, I cannot and will not forgive your mutilation of artistic perfection. Shame on you for screwing with Prince’s music and pissing off legions of his hardcore fans.
Sincerely,
Garbageman’s Daughter
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