Uncontrollable Sobbing

I have never understood why people cry at concerts. I never have, and I have even seen Prince twice. I did not cry. I did not sing. I did not dance, and I barely saw my husband sharing a beer, grinding, and possibly making out with a skinny blond woman beside him. It's okay; Prince makes everyone randy. Transgressions at Prince concerts are fully acceptable and always forgiven. Until his career-damaging, creativity-draining, fun-sucking conversion to Jehovah Witness, Prince concerts were all about the D.M.S.R. (for non-Prince fans that Dance, Music, Sex, Romance). My husband was just capturing the spirit of the concert as I kept eyes focused on stage trying to remember every song in the order they were performed -- absolutely no crying until today.

All in the name of research, I watched some old Prince concert footage. Tears flowed; filled up 13 Kleenex, and turned my face pink. Was I shedding tears of regret that I was too young to see Prince in the Purple Rain glory days? Was I crying because he will never again perform Erotic City and Let's Pretend Were Married in concert? Because the man has not had a hit since 1995? Because of way he touched his tight little bottom in a 1984 performance of "Do Me Baby?" Because Apollonia is a really awful actress?

Just in case you haven't seen Purple Rain in the past 20 years or the last 7 hours, Apollonia only shed one tear during the passionate musical tirade: "Baby, baby, baby, What's it gonna be baby? Do u want him? Or do u want me?" What was wrong with her? Was she just ticked that the part really wasn't intended for her. It was suppose to be played by his lover Vanity who got annoyed that he was sleeping with Jill Jones and Susan Moosie too? (Why did people ever think he was gay? Besides that whole androgyny thing.) Or maybe she was irritated that once Prince realized there was no singing ability to go with her lacy bustier, he dropped her from his tour, took back his songs and recorded them himself, resulting in the hit Take Me You. Then there is the little known fact that she had to hide her marital status, so fans would think the pair was romantically linked off-screen. This clearly worked given Kayne West's line in Stronger, "You know how long I've been on ya? Since Prince was on Apollonia /Since OJ had Isotoners" Prince, Apollonia, OJ and Isotoners, and the man wonders why he doesn't win music awards.

I know way too much about Prince's personal life. No more Prince biographies for me; four is my absolute limit. At least, I am not one of over the top crazy fans who post to the fan website, list their favorite Prince songs on their blogs, and uses eBay to bid on Prince memorabilia (although I did just win Musicology for 99 cents.) I am a serious scholar with many serious articles about Prince.

So, would it be weird if I transposed my tear-stained face on top of Apollonia's?