Yet Another Open Letter to Prince: Why Are You Such an Embarrassment to Your Fans?

Dear Prince:

Months ago, I promised my husband that I would no longer write open letters to you on my blog because it is not a productive use of time for a mother of four, and my correspondence makes me look moderately crazy. But, you did again it and once again I am willing to look insane for your sake. You did something so asinine that I feel behooved as a fan to give you some advice. Shut up! Stop talking and do not give interviews at all.

You have always been a bit of a freakish embarrassment to your fans, but the majority of your most dedicated fans love your crazy ass despite your ramblings that make you look like a semi-retarded, seriously mentally ill nincompoop. But this time you went too far with this mouthful of sexism and racism that recently appeared in the Guardian, "It's fun being in Islamic countries, to know there's only one religion. There's order. You wear a burqa. There's no choice. People are happy with that." When asked about the fate of those unhappy with having no choice, he replied: "There are people who are unhappy with everything. There's a dark side to everything."

It’s fun to not have a choice and to be told what to do by the government? It is fun for women to be suppressed? Suppression equals happiness and fighting for equality is the “dark side?” To try to explain your reasoning for this vitriol would be as difficult as explaining why you wore assless pants or wrote "slave" on your face. Just one more inexplicable stupid ass thing for your fans to accept just like your conspiracy theory that the government is using chemtrails to keep the black man down and your profound observation that the “Internet is dead.” In fact, this statement is just as about as open-minded and progressive as “God came to earth and saw people sticking it wherever and doing it with whatever, and he just cleared it all out. He was, like, Enough."

Although there is no end to your imbecility, you receive unconditional love from your most dedicated fans. You are adored despite the fact you are a crazy old man who wants to seem like an intellectual, but in reality you spent your youth writing brilliant songs about fucking opposed to getting a higher education. Now that you are a distinguished musician who has won just about every award possible in the music industry, you don’t know what to do with yourself. Really the answer is simple. Stop talking, go release the 25 minute version of Xtralovable that your fans desperately want to hear; lock yourself up in the studio; continue to bang your pretty little ballerina (who is young enough to be your daughter) for inspiration and get back to writing sex-laden songs.

Please no more nonsense about gays, chemtrails, the Internet, women or religion. Your social commentary is not wanted or needed. Your music on the other hand is. You are musician, so go make music.

Forever Always Your Fan,

Garbageman’s Daughter