For years, I knew these type of websites existed, but I never dared sully my address bar with those particular URLs. I, instead, fantasized about the images and accompanying sounds, but would never succumb to my curiosity. I did not want to be “one of those people.” I did not want to be judged or ridiculed. So, my fascination remained closeted and unfulfilled for years.
But one day, when one man was so outraged and disgusted that he pursued litigation against three of these websites, I cratered and devoured the forbidden sites with the same passion that I have while spooning strawberry icing directly from the can into my mouth. I needed to know. I had to know what would possess a man to sue his fans and to take litigation against three websites solely created to honor him with praise and appreciation. On that day, November 7, 2007, I allowed myself the guilty pleasure of visiting of www.housequake.com, www.princefams.com and www.prince.org.
During that particular dark November day, not only was I sucked in by the ligation but I was intrigued by the song that accompanied the cease and desist letter -- a nice little hate-filled ditty called P.F.U.N.K. that focuses on the horridness of Prince’s fans and how they use him to get 15 minutes of their own fame. A spiteful song and a lawsuit should have been enough to blackened the fan sites forever perhaps only illuminated with a bright purple message: “What kind of dick sues his fans?” “You are crazy wash-up who doesn’t deserve fans.” “You were brilliant in the 80s but you sort of suck now.” “No one under the age of 35 knows who are.”
Any of those messages would have been both adequate and accurate. But no, fans did not fold despite the efforts of the pint-size bully. Instead the boards continued to operate and were loaded with universal praise for the song that dismisses the very fans who are praising it. Prince says, “Screw you, fans.” Fans respond with: “We love you, Prince.” Thus, providing me with further evidence that hardcore Prince fans are even crazier than the man they idolize.
As a longtime Prince fan, I delved into fan boards not to learn more about Prince but to discover what I have in common with other Prince fans. Not a damn thing. Most of those people are freakin’ insane albeit entertaining and fascinating in their freakiness. Despite my intrigue and strange adoration for them, I am quite frightened by their purple knowledge and would never consider posting anything to the board. Chances are that I wouldn’t know which protégée he was banging in 1988 or who his band members were for the 2002 Musicology tour date in Oslo. One factual mistake or admitting that “Dolphin” is my favorite song on The Gold Experience would make me the subject of ridicule among the most devout Prince fans – the ones who know where he was, what he was doing, who was doing it with, and what he was wearing for just about every day of man’s life. The regulars on prince.org make me look like a casual “I love Purple Rain and Sign O’ the Times” kind of fan.
I originally went to prince.org looking to find answers to questions like: “Why did you become fan?” and “Thirty years into his career, why are you still hanging out when most of civilized culture has moved past Prince?” I haven’t really found answers to those inquiries. But, there are plenty of answers to questions like: “Is purple really Prince’s favorite color?”, “What Prince songs are most commonly played at strip clubs?”, “'Head' or 'Jack U Off', which do you prefer?”, “Does Prince need Wendy and Lisa again?” “Why doesn’t Prince like black girls?”
Heck, even the music icon being behind on his taxes has ignited debate, causing the typical Prince Apologists versus Prince Realists drama that fills the board on just about every post. The Prince Apologists, who truly believe that man can do nothing wrong, argue that his people just didn’t pay his taxes for him and the Prince Realists (who are called haters by the apologists) argue that his people only do or don’t do what they are told. If Prince wanted to pay his taxes, they would have been paid. This is pretty much how all discussions go; the Delusional versus the Realists. But no matter how extreme the perspective, there is no aspect of Prince’s music or life that is not discussed and debated. And, if you are ever confused about the year, you will be told repeatedly that it is not 1984 anymore. (This is a fact that my hair has refused to accept.) Although it is not 1984 anymore and Prince’s best music is long behind him, www.Prince.org is a fascinating place to visit if you are hardcore fan, a casual listener or a hater.
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