Dear Applicants (all 42 of you):
Thank you for your interest in watching my four amazing and beautiful children; your life will truly be enriched by being around them. Likewise, I would expect that you would have something special and heartening to offer my children. To earn the privilege of watching my children, you must not look like a slutty party girl on your Facebook profile. If your “likes” include tequila, beer, hooking-up with strangers in public restrooms under a full-moon, and having Cool Whip licked from my tummy, I will not hire you. And, it is not because I am old and jealous. Sure, those two facts are true, but I am a public servant. My public will not take kindly to a sign that reads: “No reference librarian today because her babysitter was too hung over to watch her kids.”
I need reliability and maturity. It also doesn’t hurt if you are as haggard and ugly as a copy of War and Peace that has been checked out a multitude of times. Plain Janes are encouraged to apply.
If I do not respond to your application, this means you were too pretty, too fun, too dumb, or too young.
However, if you were smart enough to checkout your potential employer’s Facebook profile like I checked out yours, please email me a copy of my blog link and I’ll hire you immediately. Smart, innovative girls are encouraged to apply.
Sincerely,
Your Potential Boss
Garbageman’s Daughter
