Dear Husband:
I hope you are reading this upon your safe arrival in Germany. Thank you for checking my blog, so you can be closer to me despite the ocean that separates us. Romantic. Now please open your suitcase. In the top left pocket, you will find a picture of our four beautiful, smiling, and quiet children. Cute. They are quiet because you have a pixel representation of them. I will have the not so quiet version for fourteen days by myself, which brings me to the next item you will find. In the large pocket in the left bottom, you will discover a neatly folded black duffle bag. You are to take this duffle bag to one or two chocolatiers in Germany and load it up. Four kids for fourteen days alone, there is not enough chocolate in the world, but this will be a good start. Please leave room for the cookies and pastries that you will purchase the morning of your departure. The foil that you will find inside the duffle bag will keep the items fresh. (Simply repeat the procedure you used to bring me chocolate-filled donuts from Dunkin’ Donuts in Chicago since that donut shop does not exist anywhere near our health conscious community.)
The bag needs to be so full of confections that the customs officers peg you for either a freak or a criminal or maybe both. When you are asked why you have a bag full of chocolates, cookies, and pastries, simply respond: “I am neither freak nor criminal. I dearly love my wife who has made my children 42 meals, given 14 baths, changed 84 diapers, read 29 stories, and broken up at least 32 fights while I have been enjoying bratwurst, sauerkraut, spaetzle, and strudel, sleeping alone in a comfortable bed, watching television free of Diego and Dora, and touring castles each evening after work. I hope she accepts these gifts as a gesture of my gratitude and adoration because my lovely wife is sweeter than the world’s sweetest chocolate.”
Since the second part isn’t likely to happen, pick up some Turkish Delight too.
Have a safe journey and return home to me soon.
Your Adoring and Long-Suffering Wife
