Dear Prince:
It is me again. No need for alarm, so please do not have your people send me a cease and desist letter this time. Certainly, there is no need for a restraining order either. I do not live in the country where you choose to reside, give concerts and release your albums. I live in the United States, and you spend your time in Europe. Why? Because you think that they do not mock your new music and refrain from uploading your songs to file-sharing websites, like the Americans do. You are wrong. They do. Within minutes of you stepping on stage at Montreux Jazz Festival on July 18, 2009, I had pictures of you on stage in that red suit trimmed in zippers. I knew you started the show with When I Lay My Hands on You followed by Little Red Corvette. Within 24 hours, I had audio and video recordings of both shows.
So, go ahead and continue to trust your European fans and continue to tell your American fans, “No more candy for you” because of all the “haters on the Internet,” and we will continue to download your music from the comfort of our office chairs, post and re-post our favorite videos of you on YouTube, and call you an idiotic tool, who is determined to destroy his legacy. Really, who are you to judge us? When you pay your taxes on time, stay married to your next wife without cheating, and hold up any part of a legal obligation, perhaps you can complain about file-sharing, done by people who love you and your music.
As I have said over and over again, you need to be locked up and released only to make music and look pretty for the camera. Your business decisions are asinine, and you say way too much nonsense. Seriously, it was just a few months ago that I wrote about your ridiculous chemtrail comments and your idiotic statements about homosexuality. I still can’t explain the suing the baby incident; suing fans who are not old enough to read really makes you look like a dick. And now, how I am ever going to justify your statement: "The Internet's completely over…like MTV. At one time MTV was hip and suddenly it became outdated." You are a musician not an intellectual, businessman, or philosopher. Hire an accountant, a business manger, a lawyer, and a public relations expert and go make music, brilliant music preferably.
Once you make some brilliant music start playing nice with the record labels and music distributors. It has been more than 15 years since your dispute with Warner Bros. Quit being a baby. Admit you were wrong, and beg them to take you back. Let them release re-mastered box sets of your hits. Tap your vault and give us high quality versions of those brilliant, static-filled bootlegs that your fans have been spinning for twenty-years. Put on a fake smile and do real album promotion that involves more than one appearance on Ellen and two songs on the Tonight Show.
Prince, you can fix this. It is time to think about keeping those 14 fans that you still have in the United States. Make this right. Please release 20TEN in this country, so we do not have to resort to using social networking tools to beg people in Europe to send us the album. Begging is pathetic. But if I must beg, I will. Whatever, it takes to get your latest album.
You don’t deserve a fan like me. I have been loyal for twenty-eight years and will continue to buy every crappy album you release. It’s called unconditional fandom. So, how about a little unconditional sanity, business acumen and non-dickish ways in return? I am so excited to get your new album. Just imagine what could happen if you became excited about your fans again.
Sincerely,
Garbageman’s Daughter
