Send & Suffer

Everyone knows the golden rule: Do not send emails when you are angry. I never follow this rule and the results are never good. To help promote emailing safety, I have created a set of guidelines for when not to send email even when you really, really want to share your most immediate and passionate thoughts. Here are a few times when you should resist the urge to hit send:

1. Under the influence of alcohol (This rule only applies to email; if you are a Facebook friend of mine, your drunken status updates amuse me greatly and prevent me from sending angry emails. Please Drink & Facebook).
2. Angry at your husband, and he is in Vegas with easy access to an ATM, alcohol and strippers. (It is not worth the months of marriage counseling. Just bottle up your bitterness and jealously until he returns).
3. You are angry and the person who made you angry is your boss. (Do you really need further explanation on that one?)
4. When you are in an artistic slump and looking for creativity in all the wrong places. (Keep your bad poetry and dignity intact).
5. Feeling sentimental. (Wait ten minutes and your children will suck any sentimentality right out of you.)
6. When you are sleep deprived. (Go to sleep. Sex dreams about inappropriate people would be a much better use of your time.)
7. When you are hungry. (Go eat and your perspective will change).
8. When you are bored and lonely. (Leave your computer and talk to the real people in your house).
9. When you are watching an old movie. (Probably okay to email after but not during the film. Select from your address book carefully.)
10. When are you reading an Irish weepy. (Only email if you don’t mind getting the response that reads: You are a big dork.)

Please read this list carefully. As a person who sends at least one offensive email a week, I advise you to think before you click.