After careful reflection and rumination, I have concluded that the Facebook Status Update is no longer an adequate or satisfying outlet for my creativity and artistry. Why should I spend hours crafting clever witticisms, acerbic quips and charming observations about art, literature, libraries, marriage, motherhood and celebrity gossip only to receive 7 or 8 “likes” (if you are the only person on the planet who is not on Facebook—i.e. my husband—this is a convention used in social networking to show appreciation or agreement with someone’s statements.)? I have spent hours rewriting Prince lyrics to reflect poignant moments in my life. I have spoofed the quintessential public service announcements on Facebook that do not do a damn thing but take up space in the Newsfeed. I have made pithy remarks about the intrinsic silliness of Facebook, which did get reposted by one person but only received three likes.
Three is simply not enough. I must admit my self-esteem suffers when I earn a low “like” count and one of my Facebook friends nets 27 “likes” for “My kid sneezed today, “ or when, “I love (but picture one of those stupid hearts instead of the word “love”) my dog” gets 19 likes and 15 comments. It is always those pet comments that land the most superficial Facebook love. Clearly, these superior Facebookers have many relatives who are giving them undeserved praise or they just have a lot of cyber-friends who are being nice now to compensate for being such assholes in high school. Wonder if I would get deleted if I responded: “Animals get aggravated and eat people. What is wrong with you?” Or, maybe I should try: “People really don’t like you. They just want to feel better about themselves by being kind to you with an insincere comment and a fake 'like'.”
Although I am not likely to make either one of those comments, please do not worry that my Facebook presence will fade. I will continue to read your updates and give you the feedback that you desire. It will be good for your self-esteem, and I (thanks to a new Facebook feature) can earn “ likes” for my witty responses. And of course, I’ll continue to post pictures of my gorgeous children. Kids who are as good looking as mine deserve multitudes of "likes."
But, as far as Facebook Status Updates are concerned, they are no longer an artistic outlet for me. It is not productive for me to spend hours writing and posting to Facebook, only to have my writing floating in Cyberspace unread, unappreciated and never thought of or edited by me again. It is far more productive for me to spend hours writing and posting to my blog, only to have my writing Cyberspace unread, unappreciated and never thought of or edited by me again. So Facebook Friends, I’ll see you at the Adventures of the Garbageman’s Daughter, http://garbagemansdaughter.blogspot.com/
Author’s Note: Of course, the RSS Feed for my blog will continue to appear on my Facebook profile, which I suppose makes me a hypocrite in my stance against the Facebook Status Update. But at this point, does anyone really expect my arguments to be rational, ethical, or logical?
