Demanding boss that cannot articulate his needs clearly but sure makes a lot of noise when he does not get his way. Long hours, very long hours, sometimes with double shifts, triple shifts and all-nighters. Almost never a “thank you” and never a day off. No time to be sick or to vacation alone. Of course, no paycheck, no employee discounts and certainly no 401K. This is the life of a stay-at-home mom.
Sure, the benefits are far more valuable than a dental plan. Afternoon hugs, lunches with a date who can eat for free, and the beauty of naptime. But, it is not just playdough and finger-painting. Stay-at-home motherhood can be very lonely and isolated, especially for first-time moms with newborns. Infants are not great conversationalists and working husbands are working, therefore, not emailing, texting and calling. For new moms who do not have peers with children, solitude becomes a reality and options seem so limited. But of course, not wanting to appear selfish or unloving, secluded moms do seek out options. The guilt of wanting more than just the baby or the fear of being labeled a bad mom keeps many women tied to the home.
I definitely was no exception. My first year of motherhood was riddled with loneliness, sadness and fear. I had no friends with kids and lost contact with my childless friends. My husband, who was just starting his career, worked more than twelve hours a day at least 6 six days a week. And, I was terrified to drive my baby anywhere – petrified of having a wreck that would hurt or kill him. So, I stayed home read and Derrida to my newborn until an acquaintance invited me to a MOMS Club Open House.
That day started my more than a decade-long involvement with the MOMS Club: Mothers Offering Mothers Support, a non-profit organization for part-time and full-time stay-at-home-moms. This group, which has chapters all over the world, focuses on mom-centered events that are held during the day. Stay-at-home moms and their kids get together for playdates, park visits, storytimes, tours and craft days. This is a great way for both mother and children to make connections outside the home. And of course, as a non-profit the MOMS Club is a helping organization in many ways. In addition to daily support through activities, the club provides additional help to members in crisis both locally and nationally. When the club isn’t helping their members, they are helping the community. Local chapters are required to implement meaningful service projects that help children; it is a great alternative to the Junior League if you are unable to meet their time commitment and want options for volunteerism with your kids in tow.
Over the years, MOMS Club has been there for me through three births, a family medical emergency, and my transition from stay-at-home-mom to part-time working-mom to full-time working-mom to stay-at-home-mom to my current status of part-time working mom. I have had the wonderful opportunity to spearhead activities that provide children in need with school supplies, winter coats and diapers. The club’s activities offer structure for my day; MOMS activities come first and everything else falls in line behind. But most importantly, I have established lasting friendships over the years thanks to the MOMS Club. And, if it was not for our group’s book club, I would still be reading Derrida instead of New York Times Best Sellers with narrating dogs and excessive sadomasochism. But nonetheless, MOMS Club is an integral part of my life.
For more information on the International MOMS Club or to find a chapter near you, please go to http://www.momsclub.org/
